What does it mean to be perfect? What is perfect? Wouldn’t a person need to be perfect to comprehend the true scope of the meaning of perfect? How can one determine the level of one’s perfection if they lack the perfection to define perfect?

That’s just perfect . . .

Sometimes I feel like everyday communication can be word games. Different words have different meanings to different people. Case in example:

LOVE

For that reason, I want to take a moment to talk about two words that’s are commonly confused: Guilt and Shame

Do you know the difference? Are they the same?

GUILT= I did something bad.

SHAME = I am bad.

Each of us has a moral compass. When a thought or action comes into conflict with our moral principles, guilt and regret play a part in preventing our actions and/or motivating us to make a correction. Guilt is a positive emotion that guides and directs our moral aptitude in considering our behavior to be unfair, immoral, or selfish. But what determines the ramifications of this built in moral compass? This is where the erroneous concept of perfection plays a destructive role. Being “imperfect” we lack the ability to define “perfect”, but we use “perfect” as the watermark for our moral compass. And since this “perfect” has no real definition, we continuously fall short. This inevitable shortfall is when guilt becomes distorted and transforms into shame. This can come about when unreasonable standards are set such as:

• Expecting “perfection” of oneself,
• Trying to accomplish impossible feats (such as being “perfect”),
• Feeling responsible for misfortunes in others lives by not being capable of being “perfect” in meeting their needs, and
• Believing we are only “good” when faithfully following all the rules and doing more than our duty (being “perfect”).

These erroneous thoughts leave no room for mistakes. These misguided beliefs set one up to experience self-disapproval by considering themselves inexcusably inadequate. This superlative exaggeration of self-judgment, leads to a negative evaluation of part or all of oneself as a person. The accumulative effect of shame creates a self-depreciating cycle of self-torture, anguish, and wallowing in past mistakes. Shame creates the belief that a person is less than others and deserving of punishment and abuse. Shame destroys self-love. When there is no love for self, there is no comprehension of love from or for others.

Shame is a cancer that eats away at our ability to understand and connect with others. It is the fear of exposing inadequacies and eliciting swift judgments. So, we pretend and hide behind facades never allowing others to come close enough to truly know the “real” us.

I grew up with a secret. No matter how close I grew to know someone or how good of a friend they became, my secret always left doubt within me. “Would they still be my friends if they knew my secret?” The shame that created the need for my secret was very real. It completely inhibited my ability to experience true and meaningful relationships with others.

Why on a planet crowded with more than 7.5 billion people are so many alone? The answer is because we have become trapped within cycles of shame that prevents people from knowing or understanding each other.

Loneliness is painful and over time people develop a way of protecting themselves from their loneliness and shameful memories. It is not something that is consciously planed. This protection develops like a callus forms on the skin. Vulnerable parts, after being exposed to countless abrasions, form a thick protective layer that prevents those soft points from the pain of exposure. The harder one’s life, the thicker the callus and the more adept the protection becomes at preventing inside and outside influences from causing pain.

Emotions can’t be separated into good and bad. If that were the case we would easily make the decision to experience the good ones and ignore the bad ones.  Because life is full of emotionally painful hardships, some choose to ignore the pain to one degree or another. The emotion switch is flipped to the off position. With that, the light of love and joy of life goes dark as well. With darkness, comes sleep—unconscious. In the unconscious state, logic and the mind take over. Understanding of others is overwhelmed by the needs of self. The power of our own mind disregards any other reality other than our own. Empathy is destroyed and the comprehension of others is negated. Without understanding there is no love.

This is how one becomes unconscious and asleep. The subtleness of the process is the craftiness of the trap. And those that are sleeping have no idea they are sleep walking. The mind tricks them into believing that they are emotional and feel no pain or loneliness. But the truth is evident in how they treat or lack the desire to understand (love) others.

A side effect of this state of unconsciousness is the need to judge. Deep within, buried under layers of protective deceptions, the emotional turmoil of shameful inadequacies still creep their way to the surface. Since the ability to self-appreciate oneself is non-functional, the alternative is to depreciate others by discovering their inadequacies and judging, judging, judging. The more one judges others, the more apparent their own self-worth is lacking. What does this tell you about the gossips and rumormongers?  Have you ever noticed that judgmental people are always boasting and comparing themselves to others? Unfortunately, this is the state of our world for the most part.

In order for someone to break the cycle of shame and deceptions, they have to face and resolve their emotional pain and become authentic.

The pain part is such an enormous step to begin with; the idea of becoming authentic can be overwhelming. Being authentic means being the real you; acknowledging your inadequacies and accepting the fact that you are imperfect. But as soon as someone takes that step, there are those that will take the opportunity to use that truth against them.

Imagine what it would be like for someone to become self-aware in a crowd of unconscious people. Ever watch a zombie move? The metaphor is staggering. The evolution of human consciousness into a state of conscious awareness is challenged by the hideous horde of carnivorous zombies. Whenever someone is recognized as being “alive,” (emotionally self-aware) the monsters descend on him or her with their insatiable lust for flesh. You’ll never watch a zombie move in the same way.

It is this trust in others and how they will respond to your “truth” that prevents so many from waking-up. Our current state of unknowing, uncaring and unconsciousness is pleasantly numbing and safe. It is easier to continue this illusion than to face “truth” and discover the alternative of being awake in this merciless world. Trust in another is based on what you have experienced that person doing in the past. Trust—or the lack of trust in how the world will react to the real person behind the mask has lead to the dilemma of our horrible state of affairs.

I would like to think I’m a rehabilitated zombie. I wont lie and insult you to say that the process of waking up was easy. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through. Facing and resolving a lifetime of suppressed emotions taxes a soul to the point of breaking. Then removing the mask and exposing yourself to world brings an entire new set of challenges. The zombies came a running and I fought back with everything I had. Judgments were made and many walked away. After the tempest pasted, what remained of the ruins of myself was truth.

Those that endured and stayed with me became my first and true friends. And with their support, I began to accept and understand myself. As my self-understanding grew, my capacity for love increased. My reality changed and continues to change each day as I continue to uncover hidden emotions and reveal their truths to the world.

This is spiritual progression—and I nurture it within myself and whoever else will allow me to help them nurture it within themselves. This is love—and by serving others in this manner we serve God and all creation.